Love more.

I remember reading that ‘’Dear human’’ quote –- the one that says we’’re not here to love unconditionally, but to master messy human love. Thanks for the heads up.

photo: Yeshi Kangrang

I don’’t see myself as a master in that field, or in the field of Life in general. I’’m more of a person who’’d like to learn how to surf while amazed with the greatness of the sea. Or at least that’’s who I’’m becoming these days. Nonetheless, ‘be one with the wave’ is what it’’s all about for me.
I had a 5 month gap between the last two ceremonies I did with Movement Medicine. Five long, weird, challenging, groundbreaking, heart-cracking and heart-opening months. And here I was just a month ago, getting ready to dive deep into 48 hours of dancing, ready to go back to find more love for myself and others.

I remember the man I loved telling me a while ago ‘what’s the use of dancing ceremonies if you’’re not living it’. He was right. He also gave me a great reminder. The thing he didn’t know is how much ceremony helps me to bring what I dream of into this life. It allows me to expand myself, to expand my habits, my known patterns, deeply rooted beliefs about self, other and Life far beyond my zone of comfort. And yes, sometimes it takes me to dance for many hours to get to some things that many of us already know. Not only to get to it, but to embody it, breathe life into it and let it spread alive around me. This way the tapestry of my heart and soul can whisper what I need to be able to continue my journey. What happens next (or how I perceive it) is that Life responds to what we dance for and gives us opportunities to bring to this world what we dream as Dancers -– it gives us a chance to embody it in our everyday dance. And there’’s no doubt this shit ain’’t always easy.  But I do trust in the benevolent intention of the Great Choreographer. He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes.

So, as Life has taken me on a roller coaster recently, or should I say as it had started shaking the ground within me in order to make the space for everything that I dance for, I found myself once again opening new layers of the places within me that ask for healing, for finding what supports me even more, but above all, showing me the places where I yet don’’t love –myself and others. If I’’m sure of anything in this world it is that we are here to learn how to love -– real, deep, passionate, wholehearted with no reservations, messy human love.

photo: Joshua Newton

I remember reading that ‘’Dear human’’ quote –- the one that says we’’re not here to love unconditionally, but to master messy human love. Thanks for the heads up.

photo: Yeshi Kangrang

I don’’t see myself as a master in that field, or in the field of Life in general. I’’m more of a person who’’d like to learn how to surf while amazed with the greatness of the sea. Or at least that’’s who I’’m becoming these days. Nonetheless, ‘be one with the wave’ is what it’’s all about for me.
I had a 5 month gap between the last two ceremonies I did with Movement Medicine. Five long, weird, challenging, groundbreaking, heart-cracking and heart-opening months. And here I was just a month ago, getting ready to dive deep into 48 hours of dancing, ready to go back to find more love for myself and others.

I remember the man I loved telling me a while ago ‘what’s the use of dancing ceremonies if you’’re not living it’. He was right. He also gave me a great reminder. The thing he didn’t know is how much ceremony helps me to bring what I dream of into this life. It allows me to expand myself, to expand my habits, my known patterns, deeply rooted beliefs about self, other and Life far beyond my zone of comfort. And yes, sometimes it takes me to dance for many hours to get to some things that many of us already know. Not only to get to it, but to embody it, breathe life into it and let it spread alive around me. This way the tapestry of my heart and soul can whisper what I need to be able to continue my journey. What happens next (or how I perceive it) is that Life responds to what we dance for and gives us opportunities to bring to this world what we dream as Dancers -– it gives us a chance to embody it in our everyday dance. And there’’s no doubt this shit ain’’t always easy.  But I do trust in the benevolent intention of the Great Choreographer. He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes.

So, as Life has taken me on a roller coaster recently, or should I say as it had started shaking the ground within me in order to make the space for everything that I dance for, I found myself once again opening new layers of the places within me that ask for healing, for finding what supports me even more, but above all, showing me the places where I yet don’’t love –myself and others. If I’’m sure of anything in this world it is that we are here to learn how to love -– real, deep, passionate, wholehearted with no reservations, messy human love.

photo: Joshua Newton

So, what did I learn so far? Love is not something that ‘just happens’. Yeah, for sure the first impulse may take you closer to a person, attract you and give you goosebumps, but it takes a while before being in love turns into love.

No matter what kind of love we talk about, it is a decision to stay present with our hearts even when it’s not easy. It is a roadmap to who we really are and guidance for finding and bringing down the walls that stay in the way between us and others –- with our everyday life being a mirror of how much deeper we can go. And when we are in relationship with the other, the mirror becomes much more clear –- if we choose to look at it. So, when I catch myself blaming ‘the other’, it is always a signal to the place inside me where I don’’t love (in action) yet.

For me, love is a choice to step up even when I don’’t feel like it. It is seeing the other person for who they are and what they need instead of my idea of it. It is asking instead of making assumptions, listening instead of replying, being kind even when I’’m tired. It is a reward for being here on this Earth in this body and it is so much more.

For sure love is being real, raw, honest and without a mask. But it is also protecting the other of your inner shit while staying real with it. It is a choice of working through it for yourself and for the other. It is a decency and commitment to look deeply within yourself and find a way how to relate from that place over and over again.

It took 30 years for my wife to trust me. It took me 30 years to become trustworthy.

Ya’Acov Darling Khan

In my language to be in a relationship implies being tied (down). I’’d rather use being connected – loving without possessing, giving without expecting, but at the same time feeling the deep desire to be loved, trusting and allowing it to be what it wants to be, surrendering and staying open to receive. We all could use more of that.

So, do I walk my talk here? As often as I can. And when I don’’t, which is probably 50% of the time (bless my humanity), I try forgive myself, accept it and work my ass off to become the person I wanna be. I hurt others and they hurt me. It seems like that’’s not the point here. For me, the point is the choice that I make about what to do with it, how do I grow in it and with it. It is my allowing to be moved, opened up, turned upside down sometimes and changed. And it is how I choose then to love even more.

For the ones I love.

For the love that I give to receive it’s echo.

For the love I receive to fulfil me to the core of my being.

photo: Jamie Street