(Time) To Give Up

The silver lining of the footsteps of my ancestors has always been do not surrender under any circumstance no matter how hard it gets. This lineage of hard working, stubborn, persistent, fierce and proud women and man that stand behind me have supported me on many occasions. Some of them were the ones when the only impulse I had was to lie on the same place of the ground until something would change. Their resistance to surrender, to cave in and give up was something that made them survive in the most difficult circumstances. It had also made them go on for so long that I came into being.

With them behind me, although often unaware, I have walked, stumbled, ran through, waited, rested, resisted, curled up, fell and risen through the many challenges that life has given me so far.

With their legacy I have learned to fight for myself, learned not to give up, stay strong, live through and survive. For that I am deeply grateful.

As I have been dancing a lot in the ceremonies in the last two years, I have come to know my roots and where I come from much more. As most of them have left this world long before I was born, the parting with my father seven years ago has opened up my desire to reach out towards them. After some time of acknowledging the parts of me that actually have a tradition much longer than I’ breathing, my relationship with my ancestors has changed. So, to dance for them – as much and as often I can, and to live my life fully is what I found to be the deepest way I know to thank them.

What I have also found is that this rough-mountain-life kind of wisdom and strength, and
the stubbornness that comes with it, has a shadow that (as with anything) comes along. In that desire to live through, to stand up for, to stay strong it seems like they have forgotten to some extent about the beauty and joy Life has to offer. So, when I am at the point of my life where the only thing I need to do is surrender and trust, I feel many old stories – stories that are rooted deep in my bones – rising.  When one has such a strong lineage behind him it seems quite perplexed to surrender to something bigger than yourself – to surrender to Life itself – or, in consequence, to surrender to my life.

I find the meaning of the phrase to give up quite extraordinary. I used to think that it has the same meaning as to quit. Today, as I am preparing for what I feel like is a journey that will influence my future strongly- the journey to the Amazonian rainforest – to give up for me means to give something up to the higher power, to let go of control, the worrying and fears, or even desires, dreams and ideas. It means that I have done my share and am ready to leave it up to Life to respond.

So, after a long journey of standing up, working through and holding on, as well as a journey of discovering how hard it is for me to let go (control) and to give up (to the higher powers) to its full meaning, I feel that I am ready. After all, I have gone through all of the excuses why I shouldn’t – and I am still standing.

So, it’s time for a jump.